Today I've met up with an old school-friend and aside from all the lovely memories we had made, wel also talked a lot about "secret insecurities" we had had back in those days. It was quite the inspiring conversation, and some of the things she had felt uncomfortable about came quite as the surprise to me, and vice versa.
For both of us it has been quite the journey to self-acceptance and self-love, which means to try figure out why something is bothering you about yourself (read: if it is because you, yourself have a problem with it; or because somebody else had made a nasty remark); as well as to learn either change what you dislike about yourself, or, if you cannot, learn to love and accept it.
It is ridiculous how just one mean comment can stick with you and force itself into your mind everytime you are looking into the mirror or are in a similar social situation again.
Some remarks are so persistent, that they refuse to go away entirely, even if you have gone a long way, trying to get rid of them and even when you manage to accept yourself, you will not forget. But hopefully it won't bother you anymore.
Words are more powerful than people think and it doesn't matter how many compliments we recieve, sometimes, just one nasty word can create self-doubt and insecurities. How is it, that some people think it is their's to judge other people's bodies, tell them, how they should look like and how not to look like?
Afterall, one must learn to stand above these comments, and in the best case make a witty reply to shut them up. But that is easier said than done of course, because before this is possible, the many voices that either originate from your own, personal criticism towards yourself or from the many mouths of people who had become too careless with what they said to you, need to be silenced.
It was so interesting talking to my friend, as she had similar stories to tell as myself and we laughed a lot about what similar issue we have had and how pathetic some of our insecurities were.
And yet, it is not funny, because back then they were real, and we were ashamed of certain things that make us the people we are.
In my opinion, learning to love yourself is the key to most problems. Not to all, but to many more than you would think.
Our society is telling us about flaws we didn't even know we had, and it adds up. Sure, not everyone is sensitive to mean comments, some people are born with this "I don't care what others think about me"-mentality, others have to fight for it, but just because someone conters an offensive, too personal comments with a sarcastic remark, doesn't mean they are not hurt by it.
In the end, it doesn't matter what ever flaw it is, we feel insecure about - it kind of blends into the whole picture and no one cares. For instance, I have been walking around with an allergic rash in my face for about two months now; no one commented on it, most people didn't even notice to be honest. The only one who did see it was myself, but I have learnt not to care, it is wasted energy.
And for non-temporary things like nose-shapes, stretchmarks, hair, leg-shape, etc - there is always someone, who finds this to be beautiful.
You are the only one who has to be happy with who you are
and what you look like. There will always be somebody who will dislike
something about you, even if you looked/were exactly the way you believe
to be ideal. See my point? If you don't love yourself, you will probably never be truly happy about who you are, no matter how much you change.
To be honest, the things of what people claimed I was "too much-" or "not enough-" of, is an entire discrepancy in itself, oh gosh, it is almost funny how much one claim contradicts another. Ridiculous, as I said. We should not at all listen to that. And yet we do.
Once again (as most of the time) we are the ones, that stand in our own way the most.
I could go on with this for ever, but I won't.
Love yourself, people - and forget about the rest.
If somebody does not like you, because the shape of your hands is not after their liking - do your really think this should be someone you actually want in your life?
I think not~
Keine Kommentare: