Compliments that are based on throwing shade~

Lately I have come to think a lot of something that is pretty dear to me. 

What if we would stop complimenting and motivating each other by putting somebody else down?

It is a habit that I see a lot more often in women than in men (although that doesn’t mean they don’t do it too). It is not a secret I think, that females tend to get a lot more competitive amongst each other – I have seen it first hand at every tournament I participated in (and it was many) as well as when I look deep into myself.

It must be something, that is rooted deep into one’s subconscious mind and I am wondering where it is coming from. 

But seeing other women as a threat is not a good mindset to have.

If I were to count the amount of times a female friend has tried to lift my spirits (be it in regards to appearance, skills, or especially a boy I liked (and who I didn’t like alone)) by throwing some or quite a lot of shade onto another woman (“She looks like a rat”, “Her artworks are pretty terrible”, etc.), I wound need Hydra-fingers.

I just don’t like that.

It makes me feel very uncomfortable, it’s just not right and it doesn’t help anyone. My friends know how fast I can be to make them stop – I know it is good intentions, but I rather not get a motivational speech, than a speech like that. 

Tell me how and why I am great, not that somebody else is bad. 

Is it really a compliment or motivation when it is at the cost of somebody else? 

If anything, the only thing it doesn’t in my opinion is to surround yourself with negativity AND subconsciously lets you develop antipathy for another woman. It makes her a threat and an opponent immediately because you WILL compare yourself to her. (And in all honesty, I  don’t like being compared much in general) 

Instead, maybe it is a better approach to mind your own business and do your thing – and shine.

Why can we not build each other up in a more positive way that doesn’t include hating on the work or personality of another human being? 

Just a thought I wanted to get out there.